Operation PJR
by Cara-Lupin-05
Summary: Steph wants revenge, and she enlists some of our favorite Merry Men to help her out. Just for amusement, going to be short, probably with a Steph/MM ending. Hope you enjoy! ---Now complete!
1. Pranks Gone Wrong

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything in Stephanie Plum's world, nor do I make money from anything I write.

A/N: Just a little fun in here, Rated PG-13 for innuendos and mature implications…

**Operation Prank Javier Rodriguez**

My name is Stephanie Plum, and I'm contemplating burning down Ranger's business. Okay, so I'm way too chicken to try that, but I would love to find that stupid little worm Rodriguez and see where he's getting all these names. I had only left my cubby hole for like two seconds this time, when he scurried in to leave me _ten_ files. And it's four o'clock in the afternoon!

I glanced up and down the hallway. No one was in sight. 'Stupid fucking worm.' I thought to myself viciously.

"Who's a 'stupid fucking worm'?" Bobby asked from behind me, making me spill my brand new coffee all over the floor. Apparently I need to double check my thoughts to make sure I'm not speaking them out loud.

"Brown!" I whined. "I just got that damn coffee! How am I going to stay awake for the rest of the afternoon?"

"I could help you stay awake, Angel." Bobby replied, waggling his eyebrows at me. No way was I taking him up on _that_ offer. Last week I saw Bobby out with four different women. And there was no way these women had been his sisters… I sure as hell hoped not anyway. I was beginning to think that Bobby was the real 'office playboy' and not Lester. "Who's a stupid fucking worm?"

"Rodriguez. He sent me over thirty searches today! And he marks them all with these little sticky notes that say 'PRIORITY'. Every single search. When I walked away to get coffee, he brought me ten more of the stupid things."

Bobby grinned widely. "You had better get to work then. Top Priority!" He stepped back at my glare. That's right. I inspire fear into a man twice my size and probably one hundred times my muscle mass. I think it must have something to do with the food police that keep robbing my secret chocolate stores. Lucky thing I have one hidden away where Ranger wouldn't think to look.

"You may want to go, Brown." I said quietly. "Oh, and by the way, where is this Rodriguez?"

"Second floor." Bobby stuttered. Wow, the no chocolate glare was really working. "Third door on your left after you get off the elevators." And then he took off. I grinned to myself and grabbed my tampon box from the top of my desk. I waited until the security camera was pointing the other direction, and I climbed underneath my desk .

I pulled my secret stash of Recee's Peanut Butter Cups from my tampon box and grinned. I moaned when the delectable goodness touched my tongue. Lucky my desk was in the middle of nowhere. Well, it wasn't anywhere near the other guys. I don't think Ranger trusted my hormones. I stifled another moan, and a pair of boots slid under my desk with me. I checked out the legs that were attached to this fine specimen of Rangeman, and decided it was Lester. It is pretty sad, but I can tell who is who by the way their cargos fit. Ranger should know better than to take away my sugar. I was a walking hormone.

Lester passed me a note and a pen.

_Hey Sexy!_

_Why are you hiding under your desk? It's not like you're being covert. We can hear you moaning over that chocolate a mile away. Actually, it's more likely that you'll draw a crowd. Now if you _really_ want to hide, I can take you up to my apartment on four, and we can play hide and seek_

_Lester Santos_

'_Your Man of BIG Intentions'_

He had to be kidding. Like I was going to fall for that shit. Lester loved pulling my chain. Last week he spent three hours on surveillance using corny pick up lines on me like 'Did your car just explode, or are you just happy to see me?' Needless to say, it was all in fun. I picked up my pen and jotted a quick response.

I'm getting my chocolate fix while I can. Rodriguez just put ten searches on my desk, and it's either chocolate, or I go down to two and spray him with my defense spray. That stuff hurts like Hades. And I don't think Ranger would enjoy it very much if I maced one of his men. He gets really cranky about that sort of thing.

P.S. Want a mini Recee's Cup? Too bad. You can't have one.

Stephanie Plum

'Woman with small expectations'

_Ouch Bomber! That got me right in the heart! And it's wrong. I can prove it. Actually, you are in a great position for me to prove it. Wanna find out the truth? You know what they say… 'The truth will set you free.' Give me a Recee's cup or else I'll tell Ranger that your secret stash is in your tampon box. You'd never be able to hide any goodies again._

_Lester_

'_Man of Actions, not words'_

I grunted and reluctantly passed him a Recee's cup. Then I pinched his calf, hard. I was satisfied to hear a grunt of pain.

I have experience in stapling people's nuts. Would you like to be my next victim? If you take **it** out of your pants that is exactly what you'll be. Have you got any ideas on how I can get back at Rodriquez? He's driving me nuts!

Steph

'Woman that doesn't want to see any action from you'

_Has that chocolate not cheered you up yet, Bomber? I was hoping you'd be in a better mood when I heard all of those delicious moans. Damn. I especially liked that one you gave when you felt up my leg. Any chance of a repeat? No, okay then. Let me think. Hmm, you could steal his cell phone and change the language setting to Chinese. Or you could steal his favorite pen, and leave a picture on his desk like you are holding it ransom. Or, my personal favorite, you could leave a note on his desk saying that you want to meet him for a quickie in that conference room that has a broken camera, and you could lock him in. He really sucks with B I'm not exactly sure why Ranger hired him._

_Les 'Do I get a kiss for these ideas?' Santos_

Hey! I can't do B&E either. That last was a great idea. If you want to watch the show, be there at 4:30. Now get out of my chair so I can get things ready.

Stephanie 'Maybe later,' Plum

Lester climbed out of my seat, and I was climbing out from under my desk when Ram walked by. He tripped when he saw us and excused himself immediately. Great. Ram was one of Rangeman's biggest gossips. That hadn't exactly looked very clean cut and wholesome either. Eek. In fact it had looked downright bad.

"Shit." Lester said, watching Ram run down the hall.

"I thought you guys were supposed to be aware of your surroundings!" I accused Lester.

"Hey it's not my fault, Beautiful. If you hadn't been moaning and stuff, he probably wouldn't have even walked by." I glared at him. It didn't work as well as it had with Bobby. Lester never got flustered by my glares. Damn him.

"Look, Santos. If I'm going to pull this off, I've got less than ten minutes to deliver a note to Rodriguez, so go away." Santos just smiled a big shit-eating grin. It made me want to melt. In fact, I think my panties may have melted off my body. He had a smile like a- Whoa! I apparently needed more chocolate.

"Okay, okay. See you at 4:30." Santos laughed and walked away. I pulled out a pen and wrote a note.

_Rodriguez,_

_I saw you today and couldn't help noticing how sexy you actually are. If you're willing to let me put the searches aside for say, a half hour, I could make it worth your while. Meet me in Conference Room C at 4:30. I'll be waiting…_

_S. Plum_

I let out a laugh and folded the note. Then I delivered it to Rodriguez. I didn't say anything, just dropped it in front of him on his desk. It was really too bad that he was such an ass, because the man was smoking hot. He looked like a younger version of Johnny Depp. I hoped I wouldn't be tempted to go into Conference Room C. Surely not. No. I just needed more chocolate. I stopped by Ram's desk on the way back to my cubicle.

"Can I have one of your tasty cakes?" I asked, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"Why, did Ranger finally raid your tampon box?" Ram replied with a grin.

"No. _I _raided my tampon box. It's one of those days." I said pleadingly. "I need sugar, or my hormones are going to get out of control!"

"Those apples in the breakroom have plenty of sugar." Ram smiled. "Just what you need."

I leaned in close. "You have a whole stash Ram, I'll pay you back. Plus, if you don't give me one, I'm going to hide under your desk and not come out until Ranger walks by. I guess he probably wouldn't mind though…" Ram snatched a drawer open and tossed me a tasty cake. "Thanks Ram!" I smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

I watched Conference Room C from behind Hal's cubicle for a few minutes before someone tapped me on the shoulder. Lester was standing behind me. "Jesus, Les. You almost made me pee my pants!"

"If I'm going to make your pants wet, I'll make sure it's a completely worthwhile type of wet." Lester whispered in my ear. Shit. He did make my panties wet. I pulled the tasty cake from my pocket and swallowed it almost whole. Take that hormones!

Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find Ranger staring at me. Santos and I jumped apart, looking classically guilty despite our innocence. Okay, so Santos and I are about as far away from innocent as it gets, but you get my point. "Babe, can I speak to you in my office?" I had a bad feeling about this.

"Sure thing, Ranger." I squeaked. I gave Les a pointed look at the door, hoping that if Rodriguez showed up he'd do my dirty work for me. His head shake wasn't very promising though.

"Babe," Ranger said once the door was closed. He held up my note to Rodriguez. My mouth dropped open. That scumbag! "Do I really have to make you aware of Rangeman's sexual harassment policy? If I would have known that you needed it, I would have made you attend the seminar that _all _of the guys had to sit through."

"It was _going_ to be a practical joke." I answered stiffly. "I was going to lock him in the conference room. He is making my job HELL."

"Babe, Rodriguez is one of my best guys. I don't want you locking him in the conference room. I take it that is why Santos was hovering over you like a doting high school sweetheart?" Ranger asked, lifting one eyebrow. He sounded _jealous_!

"I hate to break it to you, Ranger, but one of your best guys is a snitch. If I had been serious, this would be enough to mortify me beyond the point of return. I would probably have quit. And Santos only hovers like that when he's feeling frisky. You just have to ignore it and eventually he calms down." I replied. So Santos would probably kick my ass from here to Timbuktu if he heard that, but hey, Ranger doesn't gossip. Right?

"Rodriguez didn't mean it personally; he was just insulted that you thought it would take less than thirty minutes. I think he brought it to me because his feelings were hurt." I glared at Ranger. Men!

"I take it this is the part where you tell me to cut it out, right?" I asked dangerously. I was definitely thinking about my stun gun in my pocket. If Ranger pushed me too far with this…

"Babe." Ranger said, the one word answer that said 'if you reach for your stun gun, I'm going to make you regret it.' I sighed and turned to leave. He stopped me with another "Babe."

"Fine Ranger, I'll cut it out." I said, opening the door.

"Oh, and Babe, if you are really that deprived, just let me know. I can take care of some of that pent up… energy." That made me shiver. Santos may have ruined my panties, but Ranger had come dangerously close to ruining my cargos.

Santos met me back at my desk with a big plastic bag full of some kind of boxes. I glanced down at them and quirked an eyebrow at the man. Ram joined him soon after with another plastic bag. "I figured we could help you out with your plan." Santos said with a grin.

"Obviously, the conference room idea didn't work, so we got back up supplies." Ram added. I gave them a calculating look. This was a little more helpful than usual.

"What's in it for you?" I asked casually. Ram looked immediately guilty, and Santos's grin grew to the size of the Cheshire Cat's.

"Just a kiss, Beautiful." Lester said. "One real kiss to each of us." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, but you have to help me actually complete a prank on Rodriguez, not just try." I said after a moment. I could see Les trying to collect just because he 'gave me an idea', or some such nonsense.

The boys grinned at me. "Deal." They both said at the same time. Oh boy.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in a dark corner on the 2nd floor with Les, waiting for Ram to report back from his reconnaissance mission. By 'reconnaissance mission', I mean that Ram was scoping out Rodriguez's desk. This was going to be great. Ram popped out of Rodriguez's office and motioned us forward. Les grabbed the extra bag from my hand and we snuck down the hallway.

When we reached Rodriguez's station, Ram was already on his hands and knees, reaching for the power cords. He let out a grunt as his shoulders blocked his way under the desk. I laughed. "It isn't funny, Steph. We can't saran wrap his computer while it is on and plugged in. _I'm _not going to be the one to vandalize Rangeman equipment." I sighed and tugged on Ram's shirt.

"Here, let me." I had crawled under the desk and reached for the power cord before I heard it.

"Shit." Lester said through his teeth. Ram just took off running.

"What is…" I started to ask before Lester shushed me.

A man started speaking in Spanish from the doorway, and I froze from where I had been about to climb out from under the desk. Rodriguez! He was supposed to be gone for the day. Fuck! I glanced at my watch. 6:00. Damn it. Why hadn't the infuriating man just gone home already?

"Oh, I was just waiting for you, Javier." Santos said in English. Hector asked me to send you up to his office on 5. He is pretty angry about you ratting Steph out. She's like his manicure partner or something. Way to go on ticking Hector off." I shoved my hand into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Hector wasn't my manicure partner, Cal was, but Santos didn't know that. Actually no one knew except for Cal and me. He didn't want anything ruining his image. He figured the guys would give him hell about it. Actually, that showed that he knew the guys pretty well. Especially Santos.

I heard Rodriguez suck in a breath. "Shit." Santos shifted his legs so that he was blocking the view of me under the desk as Rodriguez walked closer. "Get out of my way, Santos. I have some work to do. I'll see Hector when my shift is over." Santos shifted uncomfortably. I scooted as far back as I could. Luckily Rodriguez apparently qualified for 'giant desk' status at Rangeman. If I was lucky, he wouldn't even kick me and alert himself to my presence.

So that was when Rodriguez settled in for a long shift on the computer. I pulled out my cell when Rodriguez flipped on his radio to a loud country station. I text messaged Santos.

_Help. Start a fire if u have to,_

_but get me out of here. Shithead turned_

_on a country station, and it's like slow_

_horrid torture. Where did Ram go? _

_The pussy. I'm going to use_

_him for target practice when I_

_get out of this._

I waited for Santos's response, making sure to turn my cell phone on silent. It came back quickly.

**K. But this involves lying**

**to Ranger, so ur going 2**

**owe me more than 1 kiss.**

**Maybe we should start u a**

**tab. In fact, u should start**

**asking for my help more often**

**so we can build up to a wild**

**night in my apartment. What**

**do ya say, Beautiful?**

_Keep dreaming Santos. Just get_

_me the fuck out of here before_

_I spill the beans about that_

_night you decided to dress_

_up like Sally Sweet. Yes. I_

_saw you at the Liberty Ballroom._

_I was jealous. You make an_

_awesome girl._

Fifteen minutes and six songs later, Rodriguez's phone rang. I heard him speaking Spanish again and tuned it out. His legs slid under the table and his left knee was inches from my breast. Shit. Now I was going to have to sit like a statue until he moved back again. My phone showed another text from Santos.

**Think of me naked.**

That's it. That's all it said. And even though I knew it was a bad idea, once the thought was in my head, it wouldn't go away. Yum. Lester in clothes was yummy. Lester without clothes…

I was broken out of my reverie by Rodriguez's chair rolling back. He left the room. I waited a few minutes and then peeked around the desk to see if I was alone. I let out a squeak when I ran into Ranger's legs.

"Babe." Ranger said. He sounded angry this time. "Lester said you needed rescued."

He helped me to my feet and I stretched my cramped muscles. Then I walked over and changed all the presets on Rodriguez's radio to classical music. Then I turned the volume all the way up, and flipped the thing off. God damned country music.

"Babe." Ranger growled, bringing me back to reality. I nodded for him to lead the way. I had a feeling the inside of Ranger's office and I were going to become a lot better acquainted, and not in a good way. What had Santos said to him?

"So what reason, exactly, did Santos say I was under the desk?" I asked timidly when I was seated across from Ranger in his office.

"First he tried to tell me that you were checking adapter cables." Lester was so stupid. Adapter cables? I don't even know what those are! "When I didn't believe him, he broke down and told me that you guys had been playing 'naughty secretary' because you thought Rodriguez was gone for the day." My mouth dropped open. Lester was so dead. He was so dead that he should be rotting somewhere.

"Naughty secretary?" was all I could say.

"I expect you to keep your personal life away from Rangeman babe." Ranger said before dismissing me. This was turning into a nightmare.

Santos wasn't in his cubicle or Ram's. I stalked down the stairs and onto the fourth floor. I banged on Santos's door and Santos opened it with a smile. "So, have you changed your mind?" he asked seductively, stepping aside to let me in, and closing the door. He leaned against the wall and looked me over.

"No, you bastard! I haven't changed my mind. Can you tell me exactly why you told my boss that we were playing 'naughty secretary' in his office building?" Lester looked a little sheepish.

"Sorry about that. When I thought about you under the desk, all I could think about was that I wanted to play 'naughty secretary' with you. Somehow it just slipped out when Ranger was bugging me about why you were under Rodriguez's desk."

"I'm not taking any more prank advice from you and Ram. You two are terrible pranksters. You couldn't even figure out a halfway decent cover story. We're probably both going to wake up in the middle of the Sahara tomorrow morning. I'm roughing this payback on my own from now on."

"Already been taken care of, Beautiful." Lester smiled. "I got Hector in on it. We're sending Rodriguez to the Liberty Ballroom for an 'Award Ceremony' tomorrow night. The dude doesn't go out enough to know anything about the Liberty Ballroom. Hector's got a few cross dressing friends that are going to take pics with him. When Hector gets them developed, we'll hang them all over the office. Deal?"

I looked him over. "Deal." There was no way I was getting caught by Ranger again. "If you promise to saran wrap his computer tonight too."

Lester grinned. "That's Ram's job. I'm doing my part with the pictures. By the way, I want to collect on that kiss now." I was suddenly very distracted by Lester's mouth. He had very full lips that looked utterly kissable.

"Okay." I agreed slowly, "but you can't tell Ram. He's going to have to wait until he wraps the computers…" I trailed off as Santos stalked towards me. My back hit the closed door a moment before his lips were on mine, and I only had time to think _Shit, Steph, what have you gotten yourself into now?_ Then I was experiencing the most tantalizing, powerful kiss I had ever had.

Moments later I realized that I had my legs wrapped around Lester's torso and one of his hands was up my shirt. SHIT! What the hell was I doing? Santos seemed to sense my discomfort, and he slowly lowered me to the ground.

"I may think up some more ways to get Rodriguez for you if I could get another kiss like that, Gorgeous." I straightened my clothes and blushed furiously.

"Keep your panties on, Santos." I muttered.

"Fine, be that way, but tomorrow, Operation PJR goes into effect." At my questioning look he explained. "Operation Prank Javier Rodriguez."


	2. Revenge is Sweet

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story. Not even the mentioned Sam and Dean Winchester, but if they are up for grabs, I'll take them ;-). I am not making money off of this story.

A/N: Well, here it is, finally. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter 2**

Some days I missed my old apartment, but today was not one of those days. After I left Lester's room, I really needed a cold shower. I practically ran to the apartment Ranger had offered me a few months ago when I started working full time for Rangeman. I threw my purse onto the kitchen table and made my way straight to the bathroom.

After a shower that was so cold that it made my teeth chatter, I dressed in my favorite oversized sleep shirt and panties and settled down to enjoy my own personal _Supernatural_ marathon, thanks to my TiVo. I was really getting into staring at Sam and Dean Winchester when a knock sounded on my door.

I paused the episode and made my way to the door. Ram was standing outside looking very pleased with himself. I opened the door and let him in, unconcerned about the fact that I was just wearing my night shirt and a pair of bikini panties. It isn't like Ram hadn't seen me in my t-shirt and panties before. Most of the guys had seen me like this. When you live in the same building and forget to lock your door, frequently, people tend to walk in on you in various states of undress.

"Hey Ram. What's up?" I asked, feeling the urge to go stare at the Winchester boys some more. Ram pulled a digital camera out of his pocket and handed it over.

"Check it out, Baby." Ram said with a smirk. I looked through the pictures and burst into laughter. He had not only took Rodriguez's computer apart to saran wrap it, but he had also wrapped Rodriguez's desk and chair.

"Damn. Good job. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he comes in tomorrow. He's going to completely flip." I grinned at Ram.

"Hey, is that Supernatural?" Ram asked excitedly. "I love that show! Mind if I join you?"

"Sure thing, big guy." I answered immediately. Ram was always fun to hang out with. "Do you want something to drink? I've got some water, beer, and orange juice."

"A beer sounds good." Ram said thankful, plopping down on my couch. I grabbed a couple of Coronas and slices of lime and joined him. I don't usually get freaked out when I watch Supernatural. I mean, okay, I get a little freaked out, but it isn't anything to talk about normally. This episode was really scaring me though. I was practically crawling in Ram's lap by the end of it. He had his arm around me, and he looked amused every time I let out a frightened squeak or jumped at something in the show.

When it was over, I realized that I was way too close for friendliness only. I looked at his profile, admiring the smooth chocolate skin and hint of stubble along his jaw. Ram was extraordinarily sexy. His hair was in braided rows, and had little tails tied together at the base of his neck. His eyes were dark pools of brown that were absolutely intoxicating. And then there was his body. He was more along the lines of slender than most of the Merry Men, but his biceps bulged against the shirt he was wearing and I had easily been able to feel his washboard abs during the show when I had grabbed onto him for comfort.

Apparently, Ram felt my scrutiny, because he turned to look at me. Our faces were inches apart. "I owe you a kiss." I said in a whisper. I took the initiative with Ram. I brought my lips to his and completely lost myself in it. I think the heat between us probably melted the polar ice caps. The kiss was that intense, that hot.

"Wow." Ram murmured when the kiss had ended. I couldn't speak. I was just breathing really hard. My arms were wrapped around his neck, gripping the ends of his braids, and I became instantly reminded that I was only wearing a night shirt and panties. While this had been completely acceptable if Ram was just dropping by, it made things a little more complicated when I forgot what I was doing and climbed on top of Ram while he was kissing me. Right now I was straddling his lap, and things could get pretty awkward pretty fast. I forgot that when he kissed me again though.

I wasn't sure if I should be disappointed or relieved when his phone started playing the Batman ringtone. I had shared my suspicions that Ranger might be Batman with the guys one drunken night, and ever since that night, every single one who had been there, and some who hadn't, called Ranger 'Batman' behind his back.

"Yeah." He answered, pulling his hand off my ass and returning it to my lower back. He sounded a little breathless and I hoped Ranger didn't know where he was. "I'm teaching Steph some self defense maneuvers." Ram said, sounding as if he was answering a question Ranger had posed.

"Of course. Be there in ten." I pulled myself off of him and scooted a little away in hopes that rational thought would return to me. My whole body was tingling with excitement and anticipation, but nothing was going to happen. Once again, I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or disappointed. Ram was sexy as hell, and he was an excellent kisser.

"Sorry, Baby, maybe we can continue this some other time." Ram said, kissing me one last time before leaving. There was something completely unfair about having to take two cold showers in one night. Especially when they were in reaction to two very different men.

XXX

The next morning, I dragged myself to my cubicle and plopped down. Then I screamed. More searches were piled on top of my desk. I counted the 'top priority' ones. There were 32 of them. Bobby, Hal, Cal, and Zero came running.

"What is it, Bomber?" Zero gasped, breathing heavily.

"Steph, are you okay?" Bobby asked, pulling a gun from his waistband and glancing around cautiously. As if someone could actually attack me here at Rangeman. Men.

Hal and Cal just stood scanning the hall looking menacing.

"It's Rodriguez again!" I growled at Bobby. "Look at this!" I pointed towards the searches, and Bobby put his gun away.

"Damn. He's really riding you isn't he?" Bobby said. The phone in my cubicle went off. I answered with a growled 'hello'.

"Babe. Could I see you in my office?" Damn it. He had to have seen Ram coming from my room on the security cameras or something.

"Sure Ranger." I answered with a grimace. I hung up the phone. "See you later guys." I said to the guys.

When I closed Ranger's door behind me, he looked up from his desk with a small smile. "Hey, Babe. I just wanted to tell you that we've moved Rodriguez's office to the fifth floor. He's located across from your cubicle. Instead of putting your searches in the outbox when they're done, I'd appreciate it if you went ahead and put them in the basket that's attached to his door." I know my mouth had to drop open. All that saran wrap was going to go to waste. What poor unsuspecting victim was going to be moving into Rodriguez's old office?

"That's fine. You know I don't mind." I answered, still contemplating.

"Oh, and Lester's searches will need to start going into the outbox, unless you want to deliver them. He'll be in Rodriguez's old office on Two." A bubble of hysterical laughter threatened to burst out of me. I left the office before Ranger could ask what was so funny. Les was going to freak out. I made my way down the stairs to the second floor. I could hear Santos cursing when I exited the stairwell.

I could also hear Ram's laughter. "Ram you had better get your ass to work or so help me I'll tell Steph that your real name is Courtney Jermaine Ramsey." Les growled before I walked in. I had to stop. Courtney? Ram had a girl's name? Ram had stopped laughing, and I went in a moment later. I decided to pretend I didn't hear Santos and save the information for blackmail at a later date. With the Merry Men you could never have too much leverage.

"Santos." I giggled. "This really sucks." I burst into gales of laughter. Santos was on his hands and knees with a carpet knife, trying to free his desk from the confines of the amazing amount of saran wrap that Ram had used to encase the desk.

Ram looked over at me and grinned. "Do I get that kiss now Stephanie?" he asked. I started to protest that he'd already received his kiss, but he leaned me back and laid a kiss on me that made me forget my name. Whoa. Ram stepped back and leaned against the wall.

"Is that a gun in your pocket Ram, or are you just happy to see me?" I asked teasingly. In the doorway a throat cleared. Damn it. Ram looked like he was going to choke from his attempt to keep a stoic face.

"Hey, Ranger." I said with one of those hysterical giggles, informed of his presence by Santos's 'deer in headlights' look.

"Babe. I thought that I had made myself clear on the sexual harassment policy. You are going to have to go to the seminar on Friday." Shit. I hated when he acted like a bossy prude. Ranger didn't even have room to talk. He was the king of sexual innuendos.

"Fine." I groaned. "Who else has to go?"

"Lester, Bobby, Ram, and Caesar. We run these seminars in shifts so that all the guys can attend. Yours will be at 9:00 am Friday." Oh excellent. Bobby will love this. Probably some harassment seminar will be like foreplay to him. Ick. Santos will probably love it too. He's probably hoping they'll give examples so that he can learn some new lines.

"Wonderful." I replied sarcastically before heading for the elevator. I returned to my desk to find ten more priority searches from the devil himself.

XXX

On my lunch break, I went to the gym to run. When Ranger hired me, he insisted on at least thirty minutes of gym time every day. So every day at some point I came down to run a few miles. I'd rather run than do weights or something.

I had only been running for a few minutes when Hector started up the treadmill beside me. "Hey, Chica." He said with a grin. I noticed that he had his treadmill set at double the speed of mine, and he wasn't even breathing hard. I was hyperventilating at my speed.

"Hey, Hector." I gasped. His grin widened.

"Are we still on for tonight?" Hector asked in a stage whisper. Then he really did lower his voice. "I have it all set up. I'm going, and I will be the one taking the pictures.

"Excellent." I gasped. It was still kind of weird to me to hear Hector speak English. Apparently he had known English all along, but he usually allowed people to believe that he didn't so that he wouldn't have to worry about talking to them. In truth, Hector was a little bit shy. Weird, I know, when you are speaking of a man with a teardrop tattoo under his eye.

"Are you coming, Stephanie?" Hector asked.

"I think so," I answered thoughtfully. "Do you think Santos or Ram would come with me?"

"No." Hector laughed. "Santos would be afraid someone would recognize him from when he cross-dressed that one time. Ram would be afraid of being emasculated."

Who would have known that the blackmail information would have to come into play so soon in the game? I would just ask Ram to go with me first, and if he didn't want to, well I could convince him. "Thanks, Hector. See you tonight." I gasped again. When my thirty minutes were up, I went to my apartment to shower and change. I dressed in Rangeman clothes and worked the rest of the day without incident. After my shift, I made my way to Ram's apartment and knocked. He answered in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. Yummy.

"So…" I said, leaning against the doorframe.

"So." Ram replied with a grin.

"Will you go with me to the Liberty Ballroom tonight? Every time I go, I get hit on my cross-dressing men and women who are trying to be lesbians for the day. I need a date to keep the distance."

"Actually, I uh, I have plans." Ram stuttered. I gave him a once over and I think he blushed, though it was hard to tell with his skin color. I gave a dramatic sigh and looked dejected. Well, I guess I could ask _Woody, _but then it might slip that Courtney had plans. Oops. I mean Ram. Sorry Ram. Don't know where that came from." His eyes widened and he smiled.

"Blackmail?" Ram laughed. "Stephanie, I thought you cared about me."

"I need a date, and I don't want to crimp Hector's style."

"Fine." he muttered. "But you definitely owe me."

"More kisses?" I asked almost hopefully.

"Maybe." He grinned seductively. Oh boy.

XXX

I dressed in a low cut black dancing dress and my tallest pair of FMP's. Ram would still be about six inches taller than me. I fixed my hair with a straightening iron I had recently bought. It was so odd to see my hair straight, but it felt wonderful to touch. I went low key on the makeup, making it simple. Lipstick, eyeliner, and mascara only. Ram knocked on my door about nine. We had told Rodriguez to be there at ten, and we wanted to be in place a little ahead of him.

Ram looked delectable in a white silk button up shirt and gray slacks. His shoes were shiny black and he had finally shaved the stubble from his face. We both stared at each other for a full moment before we moved for the door. Before he opened it, he reached down, tilting my chin up and kissed me softly on the lips. Oh my God. That kiss was as sweet as a jelly donut. I know; I compare everything to donuts.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to go out?" Ram asked after he broke the kiss. I was incoherent for a moment.

"Yeah. I want to make sure this actually goes down." Ram laughed.

"Baby, maybe you should stay home. You tend to have a tiny bit of bad luck when it comes to making Rodriguez pay." I glared at him.

"Watch who you're calling 'Baby', _Baby_." I said with a grimace. Ram laughed.

We drove to the Liberty Ballroom in Ram's Lincoln Navigator. It was pristine, and black, like so many of the Merry Men's vehicles. I loved it. When we arrived, Hector was waiting for us at the bar. Hector offered to be the designated driver since he was working first thing the next morning. Ram and I both had a day off tomorrow.

I kept my eyes peeled for Rodriguez while I ordered a Hurricane. I heard Ram order some kind of shot, and then there he was. Rodriguez. I signaled the bartender and handed her some cash. "I want a Long Island Iced Tea for that gentleman that looks like Johnny Depp. Don't tell him where it came from though. He's an old friend, and I'd like to surprise him."

"Sure." The woman agreed. She fiddled with the drinks for a few minutes and headed over there. I saw her lips move to say 'on the house'. I grinned. Rodriguez probably thought that the woman was flirting with him. He finished off the drink in seconds and ordered another.

"Hey, Stephanie." Hector said, poking me in the arm. "Alex and Chris are on their way. He pointed to two men that made better women than I did. They walked up to Rodriguez and took a seat to either side as he finished off his second drink. He looked to either side and grinned. Caught!

I stiffened when I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Hey, gorgeous." A pretty blonde woman smirked at me. "Wanna dance?" I decided not to try to figure out if she really was a woman or if she was a man dressed up like one. It would probably depress me either way.

"No thanks. I'm here for the Hurricanes." I answered politely. Ram snaked an arm around my right side, and Hector snaked an arm around my left side.

"She's with us." Ram said with a grin at Hector. The woman looked at the two men and muttered something under her breath that sounded a lot like lucky bitch. I can't argue. I had chocolaty goodness on one side and caramel on the other. Too bad Hector was gay.

"Thanks guys." I said when the woman had left. I signaled the bartender and ordered a Mimosa this time. I loved Mimosas, and I didn't want to stick with one drink tonight. I was in the mood for variety.

"No problem." They murmured simultaneously.

"Dance with me, chica?" Hector asked. I gulped the rest of my drink and we were on the dance floor. It was nice to have a dance partner that I knew wouldn't be hitting on me. It made it much easier to enjoy the writhing dance that fit best with this song without having to worry about male expectations. When we finished, I had another drink and danced with Ram. And then I danced with Ram and Hector together.

XXX

"Oh God." I moaned, feeling my massive hangover when I woke up the next morning. I stretched, attempting to pull a blanket over my head and shield my eyes from the sun, when my hand brushed against a body that definitely wasn't mine. "Fuck." I felt my own body, sighing in relief when I encountered both dress and panties. I must have been to wasted to change when Hector brought us in. Ram let out a snore and pulled me to him. I cringed at the sudden movement. Then I suddenly remembered that I had to check in with Les this morning. We were supposed to post pictures all over the break room. I disentangled myself from Ram and headed to the bathroom. After I had showered and dressed and found my hangover sunglasses, I walked to Lester's apartment.

He answered his door before I knocked twice, a big grin on his face. "Well, if it isn't little Ms. Mimosa." My mouth dropped open.

"Hector told you?" I asked, mortified.

"Yeah, but he kind of had to. You and Ram couldn't walk straight, and Hector may be strong, but he couldn't get Ram up to four on his own." I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, hoping for calm. It didn't come, but it wasn't Lester's fault that I got shit-faced.

"Damn. Why is Ram in my bed?" Lester's grinned again. That didn't exactly bode well.

"Well, you insisted, actually. You said that you needed someone to cuddle with and that if we didn't leave Ram with you you'd cry. You also tried to persuade Hector and me to stay too. You said that the bed was plenty big enough for four." I leaned my head against the wall. It was cool against my skin, and felt wonderful.

"Can you not talk so loudly, Santos? Sorry about that by the way. I'm a cheap drunk." I answered penitently. "Have you got the proof?"

"Er, about that, Beautiful. Hector gave me the memory card last night, but something happened and when I plugged it into my laptop, nothing worked." I plopped into Santos's kitchen chair and banged my head on the table.

"This is it, Santos, I give up! This guy has the devil's own luck." I stopped banging my head on the table and winced at the increase in the intensity of my hangover.

"Here ya go, Honey." Santos said after a few minutes of my stillness. He handed over two Tylenol and a bottle of water.

"You are a god among men, Lester Santos." I sighed, popping the Tylenol and gulping some water. At least I hadn't thrown up on anyone. His phone rang in a high pitched rendition of Thriller by Michael Jackson. He grinned at my look.

"I gave that ringtone to Cal." He grinned. I managed a smile back.

"Please answer it before my head explodes."

"Hey." Santos grunted into the phone. He sounded completely unsexy when he talked to other guys. Maybe he only used that silky smooth voice with women, or with me?

"Yeah, Steph's here. She needed some Tylenol." He winked at me and I smiled back. Why would Cal want to know if I was here? We weren't due for our mani/pedi's until Thursday. Santos's eyes widened and I swear he gave me an 'OH SHIT' look.

"We'll be down in five." I gave him a look that clearly told him that if he wanted to keep his nuts he would explain everything immediately. "Rodriguez is in the break room. He's got a video of you from last night." I topped off my bottle of water, wishing that it was a very different clear liquid. I stalked over to Santos's fridge and took out another bottle of water. I paused when I saw something else.

"Hey, Les, can I have this?" I asked, waving the item in the air. He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"On one condition." He answered, stalking towards me. I didn't realize I was backing up until my butt hit the fridge. He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me much like he had a couple of days ago.

When his mouth left mine, I muttered, "So what is that condition?" He whispered a suggestion in my ear and I blushed. "I think I can manage that." I answered, wondering if I was ever going to stop having hot flashes around the Merry Men. Probably never around Lester I guessed.

I hooked the item through the webbed utility belt that I've worn whether working or not since I started at Rangeman. I made sure that my sweatshirt was covering the newly acquired weapon, and we made our way to the fifth floor.

Rodriguez was sprawled in a chair with his feet on the table when we walked into the break room. His eyes were focused on the television that was showing me singing karaoke on the stage of the Liberty Ballroom. Dammit. I didn't even remember that.

I looked around the room at some of the guys. They were all avoiding my eyes. Rodriguez was the only one daring to look at the screen. I don't think he even realized I was in the room. I glanced over to Santos and winked at him before pulling duct tape from the side pouch of Hal's belt. Hal looked startled, but said nothing. I waited until there was a particularly loud stanza from Drunk Stephanie to rip open the tape and begin wrapping it around Rodriguez and his chair. Once he realized what was going on, it was too late to stop me.

I only stopped wrapping when I was completely out of Hal's duct tape. Rodriguez was cursing at me in Spanish. I recognized some of the phrases from the small lessons in curses from Lester, Hector, and Tank. Rodriguez stopped when Hector made a comment from across the room. Actually, I thought Rodriguez might piss his pants. When I pulled out my weapon from the utility belt, most of the guys laughed.

Luckily Lester hadn't had the chance to use his aerosol can of whipped cream yet, so I had plenty to work with as I sprayed it all over Rodriguez's face and hair. I didn't stop until he looked like some kind of foam monster. I had been careful not to get any on his eyes or ears though. So I rolled him over to the television, turned up the volume and sat him in front of it. If he wanted to make fun of my singing, I would torture him with it.

You may think I'm exaggerating about the torture, but I'm not. I am such a bad singer that I'd rather listen to dying cats screaming. Eek.

"Babe." Ranger said from the doorway. I walked over to him and pointed to the television.

In a low voice, I whispered dangerously. "Fuck off, Ranger. He deserves it." Ranger glanced at the television again and nodded.

"Everyone out." Ranger barked, and with much scraping of chairs and running feet, the break room was empty except for Ranger, Lester, Rodriguez, and me. Rodriguez was cursing again, and speaking to Ranger in Spanish. Ranger barked something in Spanish and flipped out the lights, beckoning to me and Santos.

We left Rodriguez alone with his torture. _Take that_. I thought vehemently. Ranger left Santos and me by the elevators. I could have sworn that he was grinning.

"So, do you feel better, Beautiful." I grinned and nodded.

"Now, don't I owe you some whipped cream, Santos?" I inquired with a predatory glance.

Santos pressed the button for the elevators. "Yeah, let's go get that now. Then I can teach you how to use it." He kissed me again, and I wondered if the whipped cream should just wait.


End file.
